Tuesday 19 May 2020

Life | Lockdown Diary #002

Lockdown is really starting to take it's toll on us, George in particular, he misses school, his friends and his family. As I'm sure that's the case for kids everywhere right now, it's stressful, uncertain and hard going for everybody. We're living in strange times and if we find it strange as adults, imagine how difficult it is for our babies? That's what I keep trying to remind myself anyway.

I've struggled emotionally recently, a week or so ago I passed my family in the car and stopped to say hello. It waas just hard seeing them and not being able to hug them, but luckily the boys were at their dad's and I got to have a good old cry in peace. I think I was just overdue a good cry really but by the time the kids got home I was drained. The Big Sad tends to have that affect doesn't it? 

I digress, George was in a vile mood from the minute he got back, he refused to listen to me, he was shouting at everyone and he even dropped the forbidden "H" word (hate). So I did something I have never done before and I put him to bed early and my god he was heartbroken. Cue that mum guilt. Of course he's at that age now so he knows how to play the game and through his sobs he was like "but I love you" and "I need you to calm me down" which tugs on the old heartstrings even more. I felt awful but I knew I was doing the right thing, It took me back to being little and my mum doing it to me and I used to hate (there's that word again) it so much. I used to think she was so horrible but I've experienced firsthand how shit it must have felt for her when she did it to me too. 

Understandably he is fed up and he is pissed off, his whole world has been turned upside down and it's not always stress and tears, we're just going through phases of feeling fucking rubbish. We've all snapped at each other more times than I'd care to mention but he's very old headed and responsibile the majority of the time and for that I'm so proud of him. 

Both boys have adapted really well to their new way of living and I am so grateful they have each other to play with right now so they're not lonely. I know some days are going to be harder than others and that's okay. 

Stay safe. 

Rachael xo

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