I've
always known kids were going to be part of my future, especially being the
eldest grandchild on my mum's side of the family. I was only eight when my first cousin was born and I was smitten, my mum was his child minder
for a while and I LOVED it when he came to ours for the day. I guess my
maternal side kicked in when my twin brothers were born. In fact, I can
remember the exact moment my parents told us they were expecting, they took us
out for dinner, sitting opposite me and my brother. They said "we have
something to tell you" and my brother said "you're pregnant aren't
you?" my mum said "yes but there's something else" and without
missing a beat "it's twins isn't it?" I said. And that was that, we
were expanding! I was fifteen when Harry and Elliot entered the world and I
fell in love, they were just so small and precious. I spend a lot of time
helping out with the twins and my mum would jokingly say she had a built in
babysitter - which wasn't really a joke. We have an understanding though, me and my mum, I never say no when she asks me to babysit and she never says no
when I ask her to. Whenever my mum and dad were working and their shift patterns
clashed (joys of NHS workers hey?) I'd get up in the morning, give the boys
breakfast and dress them for school. They were three and I was eighteen by this
point, so I was fairly confident in making sure they were clean and fed. Life
was great, I would have babies to look after and play with, wind up a bit then
hand them back over when I'd had enough.
There was a time when I was a young, innocent naive eighteen year old
that I just thought everybody would want children, why wouldn't they? Babies
were cute. One of my best friends told me she never wanted kids and I was
shocked "you'll change your mind, everyone wants kids!" Stupid wasn't I? It wasn't for the fact I was ignorant but I just thought she was saying
it because she was young and wanted to live her life first. To this day, she
still doesn't want kids. And that's okay! She isn't some spinster woman who
lives on her own with a million cats (she just has the one yet so there's still
time for that) but she's great with my boys and has nieces and nephews of her
own who she's equally amazing with.
Another close
friend on the other hand doesn't like children at all and that's okay too. I don't
really like other people's kids myself unless they're tiny babies. She's a good friend though because in all her awkwardness,
she asked to hold George when he was newborn and she's put up with being
slapped and kicked by him as well. Who can blame the girl for not wanting kids
when she's been subjected to that?
Some women are
maternal and want children. Some women don't. It doesn't mean they hate
children, it just means they do not want to become a mother. Society just expects
women to become mothers but why? We don't expect all men to become fathers and
it seems totally okay for a man to be a bachelor, but when a woman says they
won't want children why do we react like they're about to shoot us in the
face?
If your response
when someone says this is like mine when I was younger, stop and think first. I
actually know someone who has been asked "what's wrong with you"
because she doesn't want children. How is that an acceptable thing to say to
someone? It is so disrespectful! Women who do not want children are only the
same as people who don't want pets. If I told you I didn't have any pets or
didn't want any pets in future, you wouldn't ask why or tell me I may change my
mind, you'd just accept it.
Respect their choice and if you can't, just
keep your mouth shut and smile :)
Their
body. Their life. Their choice.
Rachael
xo
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