Thursday 17 October 2019

Family | Just the Three of Us

If you follow me on any of my socials you will already know that way back in January I made the decision to leave the boys' dad. It probably won't really come as much of a surprise to any of you considering I spent the majority of 2018 miserable as fuck. My mental health was at an all time low and at Christmas I just thought to myself "I can't spend the rest of my life like this." I'm not gonna go into detail about my reasons for leaving because they're quite personal and it wouldn't be fair to my ex - but get me drunk and I'll tell you everything.

The idea of becoming a single ma was so fucking daunting because let's face it, nobody really wants that do they but our relationship had just become so toxic and it got the point where it felt we were just co-existing. The hard reality of it was I was practically doing it alone anyway as we were living separate lives just under the same roof.

Anyway, I found myself a little two up, two down, scrubbed it because it was a bit minty and was excited albeit nervous to start our new chapter as a three. Things were really hard at first, which I knew they would be, I'm not soft. Henry would cry to "go home, not mummy's house" and George's behaviour was out of control and he'd scream for his daddy. Queue ultimate mum guilt (ballache that init?) and I'd be crying to my mum "I can't do this, they hate me, I took them out their home!" to which she'd usually just reply "get a grip, you're doing great!"

But you know what? As rough as those first couple of months were it was so worth it in the long run. The boys have settled in really well (we all have), they spend half the week with me and half at their dad's so the balance is just right. I miss them like mad when they're not there but the truth is the peace is really lovely. I love coming home knowing that whatever mess I've made is mine or being able to just jump straight into bed if I want to. I'm happier than I've been in a really long time, I'm no longer taking anything for my mental health (for now) which is great. Don't get me wrong I still have my off days but who doesn't?

Rachael xo

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