So it seems I have not so absent mindedly been MIA from my blog as of late, my Instagram has been neglected and my Facebook page left unattended. I guess life just gets in the way! We have been super busy, with me jetting off to Amsterdam, four days in Haven, a holiday in Butlins, George strarting pre-school, my maternity coming to an end and most importantly, Pete resigning from work to become self employed. This is the main reason I have been absent.
In August this year, Pete left his job of eight years to work for himself, part of me was glad he did it and encouraged him to do it and we then discussed the option of me being able to go back to work part-time - bonus. See, before this, it was highly unlikely I would have been able to go back to work due to childcare. Beforehand, my parents and both sets of grandparents helped out with George and it was great, but with two children it would hardly have been fair to expect it of anyone. It was agreed that I would go to work two days a week, Pete would work three and then the weekends he was needed. It seemed like a great idea, the boys were sorted for childcare and could spend time with both parents and I got to go back to work.
I always knew Pete would need to work weekends and his new role would be taking him away to different cities - this part I was not best pleased with, but what type of fiance would I be if I didn't support him? Since he has started his new business, I've had to cancel three different sets of plans. Three. I can't rememember the last time I had a proper night out and I now don't want to make further plans because there's a good chance I will also have to back out of those too.
Safe to say, I'm feeling pretty shitty about the whole situation at the moment, especially seeing him party round different cities (the perks of being a promoter hey?) while I put my plans on the back burner. I am not ashamed to say it, but I am bitter. Bitter and miserable. What makes it worse is people telling me "well that's his job now" and that I understand. This is our main source of income, him being flexible has allowed me to go back to work, and he could become very successful at it as he is extremely good at what he does. However, it doesn't mean I can't be unhappy, it doesn't mean can't angry or resentful towards him at the moment because that is exactly how I feel.
To top it off, he basically has the one laptop we have glued to his hand or attached to his hip so at the moment I feel at a loss. I can't write. I can't work on my blog. At the moment I feel like all I am doing is taking care of the kids and my only escape is work. Is that really a life?
Yes, I chose to have children and they are my main priority but a girl just wants a break every now and then, I feel like I am losing my identity. I am no longer Rachael, just mum.