Saying Goodbye to Dating Apps

Dating is a minefield isn't it? With the introduction of dating apps the stigma around online dating is no more and with a quick right swipe you could set up a date within 24 hours if you wanted to. Having been single for three years now I have tried them all, Tinder, Hinge, Bumble (but they all do what they say on the tin. Swipe right if you like someone and left if you don't, which in hindsight is all very shallow. You would think with these apps literally being at the tips of our fingers dating would be easier but the reality is that it's quite the opposite. In fact I think dating apps are actually making things harder for people genuinely looking for a connection so this why I've deleted dating apps. 

Shallow

You're deciding to match with someone based on their looks essentially and I will be the first to admit, I love the validation dating apps gives me because who doesn't love an ego boost but I know for a fact I am using Tinder for all the wrong reasons.

Options

The problem with dating apps though is that men and women alike are easily accessible and available so even if you do match with someone and get on like a house on fire, there is always going to be a chance of somebody else being one swipe away. There are too many options and more and more people are wanting to keep their options open rather than finding a connection with just that one person. This makes putting an effort into dating is far less likely.

Hook Up Culture

Another issue I've found is that men often see the use of dating apps as being entitled to sex, so before you've even received a hello you'll have been asked for a sexual favour or been objectified. With hook up culture becoming the norm, people no longer want to date and just want that one thing but some of us are looking for more. The protection of a screen allows for comments to be made that would never be said aloud out in the real world.

The pandemic obviously has seen a spike in people downloading dating apps and seeking to find a connection online rather than in person as we've all been grounded for the best part of two years but are dating apps really the best way to meet people? 

I've deleted dating apps because personally I believe they're causing more harm than good. If I don't get a match it makes me feel unwanted and when I've had yet another failed talking stage it affects my mental health because I'm left wondering what I've done wrong. 

"But how are you going to meet someone?" my friends ask. I'm going to make plans with my friends and do things that make me happy and if someone comes along then great and if they don't, then that's okay too. I'm going to use my time to focus on myself and the things I enjoy most rather than getting swept up in something that's making me miserable. So turn off your notifications, delete those dating apps, make mates dates and go enjoy yourself! 

Happy dating!

Rachael xo

Family | Pros and Cons of Co-Parenting

 

No two people are ever going to agree on exactly how to raise a child and let’s face it, we’re all just winging it at the end of the day. When a relationship fails and there are kids involved things can become progressively more difficult, especially when you start throwing words around like “co-parenting.” But what exactly is co-parenting? Well the definition of co-parenting according to coparents.co.uk is the term given to the situation where two (or more) people take on the role of parenting a child, but those people are not in a marriage or similar relationship. This situation may arise when, after a divorce, parents agree to have equal responsibility for the child's upbringing..’

I have been co-parenting my two boys for the past three years now and somewhat successfully if I do say so myself. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when it has been hard as well and it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, so what are the pros and cons of co-parenting? 

Pro: You get some time to yourself. When the little ones go to their respective parent, you get some you time. I like to tidy the house then relax with a glass of wine or go out with my friends. 

Con: You miss them. Terribly. Mine go to their dad’s for three days at a time and while the break is quite nice I really miss them when they’re not here. 

Pro: They still get to spend equal time with both parents which is good for their mental wellbeing. 

Con: The rules for both houses might not always be the same which can cause some confusion when it comes to behaviour and conflict between you and your ex. 

Pro: You get to enjoy one and one time with your children more and there’s nobody to butt in and interrupt you. We have a movie night tradition every Friday in our house and I love that we can just cuddle and chill ready for the weekend. 

Con: When you’re on you’re on all the time. There’s nobody to take the pressure off when you’re struggling with parenting because it is hard work! I can’t just pop out for 5 minutes when the kids are causing murder. 

Co-parenting does have it’s perks and it can be great when you get it right .That’s not to say it will always be easy but you’re doing your best and that’s all you can do for your kids!